Is there even such a thing? Right now, my problems feel like anything but 'mini'. I think I really am a sponge when it comes to absorbing the issues of others because they seem to have an unusually large effect on me.
Yes I have realized that I'm relapsing back into my old ways (counting calories, measuring food, restricting in general, etc.) but I guess that realization is already a step forward right? At least now I am able to recognize when things aren't going well and it's having an effect on my eating. Why do I do this to myself? I guess because it's easy. Life is easier when the only thing that matters is food and how much I shouldn't allow myself to eat. I also realize that this is wrong and a terrible way of dealing with my problems.
I wish I could say art was what I turned to in terms of expressing my anxiety, my worries but it isn't. At least not anymore.
Hunger has become my new safety blanket. Or it has been for the last 4 years. Yes that is a long time to be so self-destructive. My body probably hates me for it now...
I guess I just have to keep reminding myself to take each day at a time though and that one or two bad days (horrible, mind-fucking days) are only that and tomorrow can be a new start, a new beginning as long as I survive through it. I'm still alive now aren't I? Which means today doesn't have to be bad. It can be good so long as I try my best to make it so.
I am going to try and keep trying. Today should be better. It WILL be better. I'll make sure of that.
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